I can’t possibly have to go through meeting another dude, get excited, take the financial and emotional time to learn what he’s all about, take all the necessary precautions to try to not to fall too quickly, end up fallin’ anyway and be left alone picking up the pieces.
Can I just settle down already? Please? I’m tired of playing love games. I’m ready to just love and chill out a sec. Safe in the arms of love. I know this is cheesy as fuck but it’s true.
Maybe that’s too much pressure for Cutie. I dunno then why the fuck did we meet and connect? Why can’t I stop thinking about him? Why can’t we stay away from each other? Why?
Why is it that he is able to send me an emails saying that I’m always on his mind? That he misses me. How come he told me he loves me? That he loves to be around me? That when I cried about us, he cried too? Why is it that- if he’s only gonna turn around and break my heart even when I’m willing to wait!? I don’t understand! How can I hate him when I love him? One half of him at least. The half that understands but is clearly not willing to fight the other dude’s bullshit.
This breaks my heart over and over coz I know he feels what I feel but he almost reminds me of when I had just started therapy and a recurring theme was my subconscious belief that I deserved no happiness. That I had to carry the worries of my parents, especially my mom. Cutie does that with his family and I’m no professional psychologist so I have no clue how to get through to him.
Plus how am I to know that that is truly the issue here? That he needs me to help him through it… Does he even want my help or am I jus being a pushy know-it-all. Dunno. I jus wanna run away at this point and forget that he ever existed or mattered.
365 Days... and even Beyond... 
Leave a comment