Archive for Love
{ 15 November, 2009 @ 11:20 }
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{ Love }
{ Tags: acceptance, anxiety, bargaining, denial, depression, destiny, embarrassments, humiliation, hurt, janet jackson, sad, truth } · { }
***I don’t even know which day we on anymore but I have finally blogged… will try again tomorrow… I think if I keep it shorter… I’ll get more out… coz there’ll be no pressure to be comprehensive… hopefully it makes sense….***
It’s been a crazy few weeks… I mean when is it not?! So I’ve gone through a range of emotion. From humiliation to disgust to hate to sheer depression… I would say anger but we all know that’s not a real emotion… I couldn’t have hated Cutie even if I wanted to. Even after all this time. Goodness knows that he’s rejected me enough times to warrant some sort of dislike. But I couldn’t even manage that. Well, not in the sense that made me love him any less or care any less. Instead I’d have moments when I’d wish that I’d never met him. Coz the “outta sight outta mind” concept was not working out so well.
So I took to forgetting the way any other nigga would. No, not narcotics. Or even alcohol. And food really don’t work for me when I’m sad. And I can only have so much chocolate. My drug of choice is male affection and attention. So I started dating some other niggas who were willing, very willing… Desperately willing, to provide everything that Cutie was failing to. I jumped at the opportunity. Dude… And it was a complete bonus that he got jealous and all weird about my swift method of moving on. As Miss Jackson would say
“You dunno watchu got til it’s gone…”
… continue reading this entry.
{ 27 September, 2009 @ 10:05 }
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{ Love }
{ Tags: heartbreak, ironic, irritating, ja rule, jlo, men, relationships, stoopid } · { }
One of my all time favorite J.Lo jams is the “Ain’t It Funny” remix… Back when JA was still hot and I was closet J.Lo fan… Til today, I have most of her albums and I know more songs than I should ever admit to knowing… But I digress… The song goes…
Ain’t it funny/ Baby that you want me/ When you had me/ Love is crazy/ I’m glad I can smile and say…
… continue reading this entry.
{ 20 September, 2009 @ 19:45 }
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{ Life, Love }
{ Tags: Cutie, Love, men, relationships } · { }
On Thursday, Cutie and I finally closed the door on us. I pleaded my case for the last time and he explained for the last time. I cried for the last time. And he held me for the last time. Twas hella painful and I wondered how I would get through a whole day of work on Friday. I hardly managed all morning. Calmed down into the afternoon and was all perked up by the evening, looking forward to dancing off all the bad vibes. I got my face made up and headed downtown, hoping for a slight case of amnesia.
I figured with some liquid courage and professional make-up, I could do like the alchies and
fake it til (I) make it … continue reading this entry.
{ 9 August, 2009 @ 19:00 }
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{ Love }
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My heart is in a million pieces. Haven’t felt so cut open since my grandma’s death. Maybe for the first time in my life, I met somebody that I felt I could go the long haul with. None of that nagging doubt existed. In fact, it felt so real, so authentic, so tangible that I let myself get completely lost in it. Like rolling in grass and letting it cover you all over. Absolutely unconcerned about cleaning up afterwards.
Let my guard down. Took off my gloves and got dirty with it. So much so that the mere thought of what has been, of what night have been leaves me heaving for air. Tearful and broken. … continue reading this entry.
{ 30 July, 2009 @ 18:46 }
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{ Life, Love, Work }
{ Tags: busy, Cutie, endurance, holiday, hurt, men, Michael Jackson, radio, Shorty, stoopid, stress, The Bachelorette, tv, Work } · { }
The last month has been insane and for the most part, I ain’t where I wanna be. Sure, I’m being challenged on the daily by this new gig and I’m all about being challenged to the max. But I’ve never ever ever been this stressed out. I guess it’s only fitting that LIVE TV is the third most stressful job in the world. Sure, I got to meet DJ DRAMA but really now…Does that make it worth it..?!
I asked to be challenged, not to go out the same way as Michael Jackson (with a dam heart attack). I mean I’m currently in a space that saw me be unable to blog for over a month because things are that hectic and crazy and insane and BUSY! And all I really wanna do is put on some Marvin Gaye and
get it on … continue reading this entry.
{ 16 June, 2009 @ 22:32 }
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{ Life, Love }
{ Tags: balance, butterflies, crazy, Cutie, destiny, Drake, Focus, frustration, lesson, love at first sight, OTT, script-writer, something new, Steve Harvey, tears, The Dream, wedgie, Ye, Young Money, zing } · { }
I’ve spoken about those life-(altering)wedgies that come and take you by surprise just when you are beginning to love life. Or at least get into a rhythm.You know those times when everything is going right. You ain’t fighting with nobody. Drama is down to a minimum. You’ve made peace with the stuff that you can’t change. You’re making major strides in the departments that you can control and on top of it all, you’ve met a new dude who makes the old dude look like a chump. A chump that didn’t deserve your time in the first place. Your favourite song(s) keeps playing (The Dream-Rockin that Thang and Every Girl- Young Money and Drake-Best I Ever Had) and your crush digs you too so much that you can hardly believe your luck. But you don’t believe in luck so you can hardly believe your destiny. Complete with an atom-bomb of good vibes, lust and like infused electricity! I call it ZING, he calls it chemistry! OMG… the chemical infusion happening within can’t be good for you but it feels sooooo gooood!
And then all of a blue moon, the Script-Writer sends out a DEFCOM 5 [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Defcon]! ‘
AY! Don’t get too comfortable’
, He warns. … continue reading this entry.
{ 30 May, 2009 @ 23:02 }
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{ Love, Work }
{ Tags: anxiety, arguing, break-up, frustration, heartburn, job, men, relationships, Work } · { }
In a day, God created man. And when the sun set that evening, he looked at Adam and said, ‘Hotdam I’m rock long time…’ and then he went drinking at the Eden river, with the angels, to celebrate…
It’s taken double that time for me and Shorty to restart fighting after just making up. Ya neh. We couldn’t even go the seven that I spoke of in my last post. There’s really no point in getting into why we are fighting now [but for completeness sake, here’s the jist- we were supposed to go out to some birthday gig on Thursday night and he took a unilateral decision to cancel our plans. Something about being tired and under-dressed. I was not impressed. I flipped at him for being a fader. He claimed we could do it on Friday. Nothing happened Friday. Instead he was out with his mates. Which was all apparently unplanned. I just keep thinking I’m way to pretty to be dealing with such non-issues. Plently guys wanna spend time with me. Why am I still here? For what!? When it really appears as though, I ain’t wanted.] I’m just sick of it. It’s like the bad is superceding the good. It’s so bad, I’m thinking of drawing up a list. Either of Pro’s n Con’s or of things that he does that I absolutely despise. He can also draw up the latter with regards to me and if we gonna work at this, those lists must be adhered to, otherwise it’s an indication of disrespect and sheer carelessness. Which speaks volumes. … continue reading this entry.
{ 24 May, 2009 @ 22:04 }
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{ Life, Love, Work }
{ Tags: ambition, BEPs, doubt, embarrassments, exhaustion, freak out, hurt, Jay-Z, men, relationships, stoopid, Work } · { }
Back in high school, I dated some triflin’ niggas. Popular but hella dodge tertiary guys who would cheat on me. And my fellow female pupils would be more than happy to let me in on my boyfriends’ indiscretions. Coz that’s how real it would get in high school. Women-on-women violence. But they would be the first to hook up with him straight afterwards despite his shady track-record. Or worse still, these girls would knowingly hook up with dude even though they knew he was unavailable…
… continue reading this entry.
{ 16 May, 2009 @ 22:41 }
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{ Love }
{ Tags: anxiety, magic moment, men, relationships, relief, third arm } · { }
And then the magic moment happened…
Well, maybe it was not so much a magic moment coz I don’t think my life changed in that instance but the way I looked at a certain person, changed forever that very night. And for the first time, I admitted it to myself and him. Twas quite profound. Like looking in the mirror. But really looking… Not a passing glance…
On the way home on the Wednesday evening, my car-pool dude had his weekly night lecture. I was keen to get home after an exhausting day which saw Shorty and me ignoring each other. Literally. Dude, twas so crazy that he even ducked into the toilet when he saw me. I followed suite and jumped up from where I was sitting. My heart in my throat as I tried to shake it off! Funny thing, I had just found out when we, the interns, would be going on air so I was hella excited but I couldn’t even share that with him. Twas just wack. … continue reading this entry.
365 Days... and even Beyond... 