Day what???

{ 15 November, 2009 @ 11:20 } · { Love }
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***I don’t even know which day we on anymore but I have finally blogged… will try again tomorrow… I think if I keep it shorter… I’ll get more out… coz there’ll be no pressure to be comprehensive… hopefully it makes sense….***

It’s been a crazy few weeks… I mean when is it not?! So I’ve gone through a range of emotion. From humiliation to disgust to hate to sheer depression… I would say anger but we all know that’s not a real emotion… I couldn’t have hated Cutie even if I wanted to. Even after all this time. Goodness knows that he’s rejected me enough times to warrant some sort of dislike. But I couldn’t even manage that. Well, not in the sense that made me love him any less or care any less. Instead I’d have moments when I’d wish that I’d never met him. Coz the “outta sight outta mind” concept was not working out so well.

So I took to forgetting the way any other nigga would. No, not narcotics. Or even alcohol. And food really don’t work for me when I’m sad. And I can only have so much chocolate. My drug of choice is male affection and attention. So I started dating some other niggas who were willing, very willing… Desperately willing, to provide everything that Cutie was failing to. I jumped at the opportunity. Dude… And it was a complete bonus that he got jealous and all weird about my swift method of moving on. As Miss Jackson would say

“You dunno watchu got til it’s gone…”

… continue reading this entry.

Day 238-244: Ain’t It Funny…

{ 27 September, 2009 @ 10:05 } · { Love }
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One of my all time favorite J.Lo jams is the “Ain’t It Funny” remix… Back when JA was still hot and I was closet J.Lo fan… Til today, I have most of her albums and I know more songs than I should ever admit to knowing… But I digress… The song goes…

Ain’t it funny/ Baby that you want me/ When you had me/ Love is crazy/ I’m glad I can smile and say…
… continue reading this entry.

Day 231-237 [Day 3/90]: When one door closes…

{ 20 September, 2009 @ 19:45 } · { Life, Love }
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On Thursday, Cutie and I finally closed the door on us. I pleaded my case for the last time and he explained for the last time. I cried for the last time. And he held me for the last time. Twas hella painful and I wondered how I would get through a whole day of work on Friday. I hardly managed all morning. Calmed down into the afternoon and was all perked up by the evening, looking forward to dancing off all the bad vibes. I got my face made up and headed downtown, hoping for a slight case of amnesia.

I figured with some liquid courage and professional make-up, I could do like the alchies and

fake it til (I) make it … continue reading this entry.

Day 194 – 230: Part Two….

{ 13 September, 2009 @ 19:28 } · { Work }
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I can’t possibly have to go through meeting another dude, get excited, take the financial and emotional time to learn what he’s all about, take all the necessary precautions to try to not to fall too quickly, end up fallin’ anyway and be left alone picking up the pieces.

Can I just settle down already? Please? I’m tired of playing love games. I’m ready to just love and chill out a sec. Safe in the arms of love. I know this is cheesy as fuck but it’s true.

Maybe that’s too much pressure for Cutie. I dunno then why the fuck did we meet and connect? Why can’t I stop thinking about him? Why can’t we stay away from each other? Why? … continue reading this entry.

Day 194 – 230: Part One…

{ 13 September, 2009 @ 19:10 } · { Work }
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Yet another month without a blog. I’m tired of making excuses for not regularly posting stuff and I’m sure you’re tired of hearing it. I’ll tell you this much however… Many people have been able to figure who’s who behind some of my cleverly crafted pseudonyms so as much as I would love to share, it’s hella difficult to do so which makes blogging a drag even when I do have time… Which is never! I find pleasure in writing with no holds barred… It’s absolute freedom especially coz my life is an absolute circus but as much as I’d love to share, I can’t risk the wrong people knowing too much about me or those that I innocently mention in this space. That wouldn’t be fair to them or their/my hard work and endeavours. Nevertheless here goes… … continue reading this entry.

Day 184-193: Spending Women’s Day at the HeartBreak Hotel…

{ 9 August, 2009 @ 19:00 } · { Love }
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My heart is in a million pieces. Haven’t felt so cut open since my grandma’s death. Maybe for the first time in my life, I met somebody that I felt I could go the long haul with. None of that nagging doubt existed. In fact, it felt so real, so authentic, so tangible that I let myself get completely lost in it. Like rolling in grass and letting it cover you all over. Absolutely unconcerned about cleaning up afterwards.

Let my guard down. Took off my gloves and got dirty with it. So much so that the mere thought of what has been, of what night have been leaves me heaving for air. Tearful and broken. … continue reading this entry.

Day 154-180 (+3): I AM KOPANO!

{ 30 July, 2009 @ 18:46 } · { Life, Love, Work }
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The last month has been insane and for the most part, I ain’t where I wanna be. Sure, I’m being challenged on the daily by this new gig and I’m all about being challenged to the max. But I’ve never ever ever been this stressed out. I guess it’s only fitting that LIVE TV is the third most stressful job in the world. Sure, I got to meet DJ DRAMA but really now…Does that make it worth it..?!
I asked to be challenged, not to go out the same way as Michael Jackson (with a dam heart attack). I mean I’m currently in a space that saw me be unable to blog for over a month because things are that hectic and crazy and insane and BUSY! And all I really wanna do is put on some Marvin Gaye and

get it on … continue reading this entry.

Day 139-153: Untitled.

{ 1 July, 2009 @ 11:22 } · { Work }
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I’ve always thought it to be such a cop-out when artists can’t just name their products. I’ve always found the use of the term ‘untitled‘ to be the unnecessary pretence of so called ‘depth’ within the arts. And here I am, using the very same word. how hypocritical. Truth is, it’s been a minute since I last blogged so I finding it difficult to reduce the past fortnight into a silly phrase especially since the 180 Days are drawing to an end. So In spite of my being conscious that I may be thinking emotionally because of my PMS, I now see how artists may feel that a title, in its simple words, fails to honor the experience, whether good or bad. If anything, the words disrespect it by being so shallow. And that’s where the depth of thought lies. Well, if writers felt so strongly about everything, they would probably never write. Hence writer’s block. The insistence on the perfect translation. And that’s why film was created… … continue reading this entry.

Day 131 -138: When It All Falls Down…

{ 16 June, 2009 @ 22:32 } · { Life, Love }
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I’ve spoken about those life-(altering)wedgies that come and take you by surprise just when you are beginning to love life. Or at least get into a rhythm.You know those times when everything is going right. You ain’t fighting with nobody. Drama is down to a minimum. You’ve made peace with the stuff that you can’t change. You’re making major strides in the departments that you can control and on top of it all, you’ve met a new dude who makes the old dude look like a chump. A chump that didn’t deserve your time in the first place. Your favourite song(s) keeps playing (The Dream-Rockin that Thang and Every Girl- Young Money and Drake-Best I Ever Had) and your crush digs you too so much that you can hardly believe your luck. But you don’t believe in luck so you can hardly believe your destiny. Complete with an atom-bomb of good vibes, lust and like infused electricity! I call it ZING, he calls it chemistry! OMG… the chemical infusion happening within can’t be good for you but it feels sooooo gooood!

And then all of a blue moon, the Script-Writer sends out a DEFCOM 5 [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Defcon]! ‘

AY! Don’t get too comfortable’

, He warns. … continue reading this entry.

Day 128-130: The Makings of an AMERICAN-African…

{ 10 June, 2009 @ 09:56 } · { Work }
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I enjoy meeting new people especially those from other continents. I find that it brings the other side of the world to life. And goodness knows that besides living by the beach and becoming a rock star DJ/Writer, I wanna see the world…So bad… real bad Michael Jackson!

During this session, something quite profound occurred to me. Whether I think Jozi or any other Akon wannabe is making authentic (South) African music is irrelevant. What rings true is that Jozi is an SA clique and therefore whatever music that they make lies beneath the SA music banner, regardless of my distaste for their obvious steez-bitin’.

SA music is not defined by drums or whatever. SA music does not have to be deep intense, sad and introspective in order to be that. We can also snap our fingers and do the step… we can do it all by ourselves… lol … continue reading this entry.

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